Hairyhand - Esther Rants-on...

old people driving commercial

2011-01-25T16:23:00.000Z

Can't stop laughing at this.

Pepto Bismol Commercial: Tummy Time with Ken Jeong

2010-12-17T15:54:00.000Z

Don't be put off by the unnecessary crutch shot...

Ads: Johnnie-Walker-Marc-Herreman

2010-12-15T10:25:00.000Z

http://www.bestadsontv.com/ad/33170/Johnnie-Walker-Marc-Herreman

Hairyhand: Highlights of 2010: Headless Giant Wins Wimbledon

2010-12-14T14:45:00.000Z

Transformers: The Dark of the Moon Teaser Trailer (HD)

2010-12-09T11:04:00.000Z

Apple - Taking the pips!

2010-12-08T14:52:00.001Z

Becoming more and more angry at the constant emails from Apple suggesting that I should buy someone an Apple product for Xmas "Give Mac for Christmas." or "iPhone 4. Everything they want in one gift." Have they not noticed the current economic recession? I can't even afford to buy myself a Mac/iphone, let alone buy one as a present for someone else!!!

Obama Kicks The Door Open

2010-12-08T10:14:00.000Z

Funky Forest - After School Club (with english subtitles)

2010-11-23T16:27:00.000Z

Funniest thing I've seen in ages.

Hairyhand Rants-on: TV: SimplyHealth Ad

2010-10-04T16:17:00.000+01:00

Gordon Bennet! At what point did it become a good idea to base a campaign strapline on a well-known comedy catch-phrase that has been used to ridicule a certain demographic of British society?

"Simplyhealth...we can be bothered."

How on earth can this be suitable for any brand, especially of this nature?!?!

Maybe this was the thinking behind the idea; "Right, so Simplyhealth really care, and the flip side of not caring is ...I know, let's use "Am I bovvered?" but twist it... yeah that'll work!"

But sadly, no matter how you write it, or change the way you announce it through a VO, it still smacks of the negative chav catch phrase it came from.

It just doesn't work.

So based on this strapline, maybe the route the brand should have taken, was to just change their name to Simply 'ealth.

LEXICON: Cuckoo Agency

2010-09-24T11:34:00.000+01:00

I think I've just coined a new 'Phrase', if that's the right expression;

A Cuckoo Agency. def; A creative agency that plants itself in the same building, sometimes the same floor, and gradually pushes the existing agency out.

Hairyhand Rants-on: TV: Talk Talk Idents

2010-09-19T08:53:00.000+01:00

These Idents are sooooooo annoying.
The VO should be, " Talk Talk - Ruining your XFactor!"

Hairyhand Rants-on: FILM: Date Night

2010-09-19T08:50:00.000+01:00

Steve Carell's charcter does a Barry White impression over the intercom of Holbrook Grant (Mark wahlberg) "Hey yo-yo, I'm having sex, getting busy..."
Brilliant. I haven't laughed so much in ages.

Hairyhand Rants-on: TV: Hairyhand on Eastenders!

2010-09-19T08:41:00.000+01:00

Well sort of..

"Just take your hairy hand and leave" (said by Darren asking Jodie for a manicure, whilst wearing a Werewolf hand).
Another Random moment in Eastenders.
Classic!

Hairyhand Rants-on: TV: Tena Lady Ad

2010-09-19T08:29:00.001+01:00

"...What's the first thing he'll notice... It certainly won't be my occasional bladder weakness!"

Er, I beg to differ there. I think the first thing he'll notice is that you speak like a Doctor's manual and unlike any other normal person would speak. Whatever happened to the old adage 'writing ads as if you we're talking to a mate in the pub'?

Hairyhand Rants on: TV: Grand Designs

2010-09-19T07:39:00.000+01:00

Will someone please call the Police and inform them that Kevin Mcloud is about to be stranlged by his trendy grey jumper - he's wearing the tightest v-neck in TV history!

TV: Latest Plug in ad

2010-09-16T09:48:00.000+01:00

"Isn't it disappointing when you stop smelling your air freshener?"

Answer: No

I'd like to know who came up with that 'insight'?

WEB: Fangoria

2010-09-15T14:48:00.001+01:00

The Foxes have done it again!

Will someone please give these guys a monster-sized budget. :)

http://www.deathtotheflippers.com/fangoria/

WEB: Creative juices

2010-09-15T13:16:00.000+01:00

Here's the link... soz

http://www.creativejuices.org.uk/

WEB: Creative juices

2010-09-15T13:01:00.001+01:00

LOL!

This is fantastic!

TV: Latest Flora Ad

2010-09-14T20:53:00.000+01:00

Will someone please tell 'the people' at Flora that we know what their product basically does, and therefore we don't need a clunking great segue into people spreading it on bread to make sandwiches?!?

It's really frustrating, as the 'glowing hearts' idea is really quite a nice, and really could be expanded upon.

Hopefully, this Maternal brand realises it can concentrate on producing ads that entertain, rather than telling us something we already know.

TV: Latest M&S Ad

2010-09-14T20:39:00.000+01:00

Whoever suggested 'Got to be real' by Cheryl Lynn for this Ad deserves a pat on the back - It really makes it.

TV: Lottery 'Cars & Cash ad

2010-09-14T20:27:00.000+01:00

#I'm a road-runner hunny...#

Yeah, and I wish you'd go for a long run off a short pier - I'm soooo bored with this ad now.

TV: X-Factor

2010-09-14T20:14:00.000+01:00

I never thought I'd say this but I'm genuinely warming to Louis Walsh this year. Maybe it's because Simon Cowell has become even more of an irritating jerk. Having said that, I still wouldn't want Louis managing my band.

TV: 8 out of Ten Cats

2010-09-09T22:47:00.000+01:00

Brian Belo just admitted to "shitting himself" on a train and posting the event on Twitter to get advice on what he should do about it!

LOL.

If there was a dictionary definition of 'Loveable Baffoon' Brian would be it.

TV: Eastenders

2010-09-09T22:00:00.000+01:00

I have just seen one of the best episodes of Eastenders ever! Not just because of the high drama... but because of the way Peggy spoke her lines at the end of the show, "Let it burn... Let it burn..." It was absolutely hilarious. Where did that voice come from - under her wig????? Has Peggy been body-snatched by an alien???? Surely this is the final twist that sees Peggy leave the show, not in a cab, but in a space ship - Gawd Bless e'r.

TV: My Family's Crazy Gap Year

2010-09-07T15:20:00.000+01:00

Or what should be more aptly titled, 'My Crazy Family's Gap Year.'

Can anyone tell me what posessed the mother of this middle-class family to drag her family to

a country with one of the highest rates of potentially fatal diseases, without immunisation!?!?

Whether I got to see The Dalai Lama or not, I wouldn't like to rely on a Herbal Tinture to treat me for a case of Malaria - would you?

Absolute bonkers.

Anyway, I changed channel when I saw the native family pulling the innards out of a freshly killed goat. Which was nice...

FOOD & DRINK: Champagne

2010-09-06T20:32:00.000+01:00

Gassy, over-rated, bad breath juice. I hate it.

TV: Latest Durex TV spot

2010-09-06T20:08:00.000+01:00

I've never been a fan of 'nice ads', but this one definitely brought a wry smile to my face.

However, my only question is; why was it on at midday? Are they trying to catch the Jeremy Kyle gang just before they slip off for some unprotected sex and a can of Tennents Super? :)

KIDS TV: Top ten worst shows (that I'm regularly forced to watch!).

2010-09-06T16:17:00.000+01:00

1. Show me Show me

Really old TV presenters singing really naff kid's songs

2. Big cook little cook

The food they make is insulting even for a 2 year old.

3. Number jacks

What is the concept behind this programme???

4. Tommy Zoom

Stock footage and cartoon, cut 'n' shut together. Why is there only one baddie?

5. Mighty Mites

The female presenter needs shooting.

6. Waybaloo

Utter gibberish

7. Balamory

Just poor

8. Nina and the nuerons

What exactly is the science behind this talentless womans experiments?

9. Tinga Tales

The Token Multi-cultural kids programme.

10. Big Barn Farm

The second job of the annoying voice-over man from 'Come Die with me'.

The theme tune sounds like it's been made by the local radio station.

RE: Best of facebook posts - Hey Alan,Alan, Alan, Alan,Alan,Alan...

2009-08-22T09:12:00.000+01:00

Chipmunks pick up where Alan Partridge Left off...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMjsIVX8kWs

RE: Best of facebook posts - Baptazia - Super Sunday - IC3 / DJ Clipz & DJ Die - 3 of 3

2009-08-22T08:58:00.000+01:00

FInally found a place to get my son baptised - ha ha!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_JmXCNPs6Y

RE: Best of facebook posts - Hammer pants dance

2009-06-08T15:19:00.000+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdg-b08uWRc

RE: Best of facebook posts - Keyboard Cat

2009-05-14T16:31:00.000+01:00

Play them off Keyboard Cat...

Treadmill fool!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAepgZ5iM5k

Knock 'em out, Keyboard Cat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0Qu4DOQm1U

Play Pinky off, Keyboard Cat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcaULmvKv-s

Play Haley Off, Keyboard Cat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJ5w4MkFofc

Wheelchairs on esculator

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ndx_IdlUQU

Spiderman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jpauryqCpU

Pass out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yp6U_5qEE0Y

Fat bloke charges sign board with head

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oYZ9BJ7mDKI

Ghetto

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5S3M_k88AE

Skateboarder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Hvw26sQqEA

Play the dog off

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc0lYe-i6wE

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T16:29:00.001+01:00

Inspired Bicycles - Danny MacAskill April 2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T16:28:00.001+01:00

Snatch Wars (Snatch Vs Star Wars)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDKiQfBs9lo

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T16:26:00.000+01:00

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Trailer HD

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4bmeU6YHbs

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T16:23:00.001+01:00

Gymnastics accident.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEi032eYI1w

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T12:13:00.000+01:00

Best robotics ever - the original clip from 2001!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXu0go1pHKI

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T12:12:00.000+01:00

Terminator Salvation - Trailer 2. Looking forward to this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRwby_vjg88

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T12:09:00.000+01:00

Scott Willis break-dancing. Press-ups without his feet touching the ground - Amazing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEMbMiEJf8o

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T12:08:00.000+01:00

'Predator' Rap.

"First they jest with an arm-wrestling contest..." Brilliant!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovi-djkUgd0

RE: Best of facebook posts

2009-05-14T12:05:00.000+01:00

Best robotics ever...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYFDYX4i2EY

Campaign: Turkey of the week - Diet Coke 'Duffy' Spot.

2009-03-02T19:58:00.000Z

I think most of us would agree that there's nothing strange about Duffy singing in an ad... but while riding a bike?

Am I the only one that finds that quite bizarre?

It's hard enough trying to imagine her ever getting on one of the things, let alone belting a song out as she rides it.

Jeeeeese! It really made the ad quite uncomfortable to watch.

And what can we expect next, Adele on a scooter?

I really hope not.

Campaign: letter to the editor - Red Bull

2009-02-23T09:26:00.000Z

Once again, Red Bull flys on to our screens - leaving a massive streak of poop in it's wake!

After seeing the latest ads, I'm convinced that the '...gives you wings" strategy, has finally

nose-dived into the ground.

It's sad really, as this once proud peacock of an idea, stuffed full of humour and wit, has been plucked by the hands of political correctness, leaving the viewer with just a carcass of an idea.

I just hope that somebody takes a loaded Chisel tip and shoots this turkey, before it poops on our screens again (and I'm forced to write more puns based on birds/wings/flying etc!!!).

Ad rant: comparethemeerkat.com

2009-01-11T17:37:00.000Z

It feels like I've only just stopped ranting about how good the new VW Golf Spot is, when out of nowhere comes the latest comparethemarket.com spot - It's bloody brilliant. Now obviously it stars an Eastern European speaking Meerkat (which must be a comedy essential???), but the whole idea genuinely made me laugh (something that doesn't happen with most current ads) and best of all, it wasn't accompanied by any twee, accoustic folk music - hoorah!

I actually found it enjoyable to watch, and It left me asking the question. "How did the creative team arrive at the concept?" Was someone talking about the brand while doing a Borat impression? Who knows?

More importantly though, it just goes to show what can be achieved when creatives have the freedom to present such ideas, and clients have the guts to invest in them.

So well done to VCCP for creating, and selling the idea, and a big pat on the back to the client for buying it.

Ad rant: VW Golf 'Fight'

2009-01-11T17:00:00.000Z

"Sometimes, the only one you have to beat is yourself..."

The latest spot for the new Golf is fantastic.

A great strategy, brilliantly executed and with better fight scenes than most Hollywood blockbusters - it's perfect...

...except for the typo on the door at the beginning of the ad that reads 'chef designer' instead of chief.

Surely there isn't a department at VW that's busy designing Chefs??? Is there???

Could it be that the legendary German attention to detail hasn't been extended fully to the ad?

Maybe.

But when push comes to shove, surely the only person you really have to beat, is whoever

has final sign-off on your TV ad!

Ad rant: Aunt Bessie's Yorkshire Puddings

2009-01-04T20:50:00.000Z

Advertising deja vu strikes again, as one of the most well-known Morecombe and Wise sketches is ripped off for this Aunt Bessie's spot. And surely the (ageing) creative team who've finally managed to crowbar it in, must be breaking their arms to pat themselves on the back for this one.

Now Morecombe & Wise were good, but they weren't that good. So let's try and put this one to bed, before someone tries to resurrect Mike Yarwood.

Ad rant: Sean John Fragrance

2009-01-04T20:47:00.000Z

"Life without passion is unforgivable..."

And so is this ad.

Ad rant: Dabitoff

2009-01-04T20:44:00.000Z

"I find myself on an exhilarating journey..."

And I find myself watching some of the most wooden acting that Ewan McGregor has ever done... but he still gets paid - the swine!

TV: American Gladiators

2008-12-20T10:47:00.000Z

I think I've just watched one of the best episodes of Gladiators ever - and it was the American version!

I suppose it's an obvious statement, but we all know that Americans are born ready for the razzmatazz of TV and showbiz, and therefore the show's format is ideal for them, but what makes the extra difference between the two nations is...wait for it... the women. Yes, I hate to give the Yanks credit for anything, but their ladies generally seem to be much harder/fitter/more driven (in the way only Americans are) than the female contestants over here are, making the competition much more interesting to watch. So when you then compare it to the English version, the ladies section seems to be something that you tolerate until the men compete again.

It's funny, in a way, that people in Britain always talk about our programme formats working over there, but this is an example of how maybe sometimes it's the other way round.

I'm sorry to say it, but I think i'll be watching the American version in future.

Ad rant: Sarah Jessica Parker perfume

2008-12-15T22:09:00.000Z

It's Christmas once again and what a perfect time to resurrect some old ads...especially old perfume ones.

And speaking of resurrecting the old, I couldn't help but notice how old Sarah Jessica Parker looks in her ad!

Now obviously it's her fragrance, and therefore you can't avoid having her, or some reference

to her, in the ad, but why not use a bit of soft-focus eh - she's no spring chicken after all.

Anyway, the only thing I think of when I see this ad is incontinence pads? Maybe it should be

an ad for Tena Lady?

I just hope for SJP's sake the perfume itself doesn't smell like piss.

TV: Watchdog - PUNNED TO DEATH

2008-11-18T21:08:00.000Z

Christ almighty, will someone please tell the team at Watchdog to go easy on the puns! Monday's show reached an almost unbearable level of pun-ishment (oops, sorry), with over 5 puns per report. Now I understand that some serious subjects need to be presented with a little bit of Pathos to lighten the mood, but this was ridiculous. There really is no need for it, and to be honest, the humour seems to devalue the seriousness the of the material they are presenting. Whoever edits the programme should realise that the general public can find a subject interesting, without presenting it like an article in The Sun.

TV: American elections

2008-11-04T17:12:00.000Z

Is it just me, or has Yoda been writing copy for the Obama campaign?

Every time I see Barack pictured at one of his rallies, he is surrounded by signs that read,

"Change we need." Now I see why this has been done, but it doesn't work. And all you need to add

to the end of this is a "hmmmm" and you've got something straight from the Jedi master's mouth.

Anyway, it looks like Obama may have the force with him as he's surely due to triumph over the evil sith warlord John McCain. And about time to I say. This election seems to have been running forever. I'm just hoping it won't turn into a trilogy.

Ad rant: Argos

2008-10-26T21:33:00.000Z

Now, resurrecting an early 90's dance classic is all well and good, but this is just jumping on the Drench band-wagon. And more importantly, what they've forgotten to emulate from the Drench ad is the most important part - the good idea!

It's sad really, as it means 'U can't touch this' will now be too 'played-out' for anyone to use on a decent idea - in fact I'm already getting tired of writing the title!

So where does that leave us?

Well as long as it's a good idea, I think the real coup would be to use 'Injected with a Poison' by Praga Khan. A rave classic par excellence.

Ad rant: Virgin Media - Catch-up TV

2008-09-03T16:52:00.000+01:00

I am thoroughly sick and tired of this ad! It really is awful.

Every time it appears at the cinema, the audience groan, and in the words of Chris Rock, "that ain't right!"

I mean, why Mick Hucknall?

Why the crappy style of CGi?

Is this something to do with the seriously unfunny animated series 'Headcases?' I really hope not.

Everytime I here the Matron figure say "Hey, Mick, Dude" I just cringe.

You know it actually makes me a bit paranoid because I can't help but think "am I missing something here?"

Is this sooooo funny that it's slipped under my humour radar?

Luckily sense prevails and I realise, NO, THIS IS JUST SHIT.

Ad rant: Big Brother - Virgin Mobile Idents

2008-09-03T16:22:00.000+01:00

Normally I find brand sponsor idents dull or at the most a little cringey in their attempt to be funny or bizarre, but for the first time in a long while I've actually found these Virgin Mobile idents to be quite funny. Okay, there are a few that seem a bit clanky in their conception, but on the whole they seem to be generally well written and therefore quite humorous.

Well done to the team/copywriter who managed to create some positive thinking about a brand that wouldn't be my first choice of Mobile phone supplier.

MUSIC: Duffy - Warwick Avenue

2008-06-03T18:33:00.000+01:00

Does anyone remember that tune "I saw mummy kissing Santa Claus..."?

Well that's what I've been singing (or the rude version at least) to this tune .

Ad rant: Subway - Eat fresh

2008-06-02T22:50:00.000+01:00

Does anyone get these ads? What's up with the Black Olives? Is it that no one likes them, rather like the McDonalds Gherkins? Anyway, who cares, this is a good example of how ads that don't make sense just become annoying. And I'm sure that if I (can be bothered) to find out what it's about, it won't make me feel any more interested in the brand than I was before.

And 'Eat Fresh', I see what they're trying to do with this strategy, but it's bloody boring and has that feeling that it's been written in a foreign language then translated.

I think 'Eat Depressed' would be more fun.

Ad rant: Coors light 'Hear me now' Spot

2008-06-02T20:28:00.000+01:00

Two white guys rapping in fake Jamaican accents? Er, hello, but has the furore over the Trident Gum Ads been forgotten already? Whoever wrote this Ad must have had their head where the sun doesn't shine for the last couple of years. Crikey! And if producing an Ad that's going to be accused of being racist isn't bad enough, there seems to be no real idea behind it, the rap's not well written and it's not even funny - it just made me cringe!

Surely as soon as someone says "yeah, let's write a rap for an ad" you know the chances of them producing something good are very slim. So come on Ad folks, lets leave rapping to the rappers and get back to creating something that's really worth watching.

TV: Lost -The answers are here

2008-06-02T20:23:00.000+01:00

Er, no, they weren't.

In fact, the programme contained no bloody answers at all!

Do I feel cheated? Yes, and annoyed because I stupidly stayed up to watch it.

Ad: Johnnie Walker 'Human' spot

2008-05-20T12:50:00.000+01:00

Genius.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmbgHD8L4zc&feature=relate

WEB: Flight of the Conchords

2008-05-15T16:31:00.000+01:00

Check this out

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BLJ5a6aJOb8

Ad Rant: U-Switch

2008-05-14T14:35:00.000+01:00

Good God, the misery known as 'the U-Switch ads' continues.

All singing, all dancing, all bloody annoying!

And they're not the only guilty party, McCain and of course (how could we forget) Halifax,

are equally responsible.

It doesn't matter how they're sung, whether it's Gospel, Broadway Musical, whatever,

the message is that these musical style ads never produce anything but irritating dross.

Hopefully Clients will wise up and realise that picking a creative route which associates their brand with something that's fucking irritating is the wrong route to take.

Ad Rant: AQUAFRESH - Amazing(ly bad)

2008-05-14T12:51:00.000+01:00

"You've found it...it's your mouth...and you've got a lot to look forward to!"

Christ, I can't help but cringe whenever I hear it. It must be the most bizarre beginning to an ad I've ever heard! And who writes this sort of stuff anyway? What a load of baloney!

I can see what they're trying to do with this strategy, but it doesn't quite hit the mark, and even if they change the execution, I can't see it getting any better.

Let's just hope the whole campaign gets canned asap.

TV: Look good Knockers!

2008-05-14T09:58:00.000+01:00

After his cringe-worthy "Banger" groping antics reached an all time high last week, Gok Wan was on TV last night interviewing the cast of the Sex and the City movie, asking each member of the cast for a snog!

Surely this is more proof that his thin veil of fake homosexuality is finally slipping?

TV: Street Doctor

2008-05-14T09:52:00.000+01:00

Spotted - Yvette Fielding's midget sister on Street Doctor.

See if you can spot her amongst the blood and pus!

Ad Rant: Olay, Olay, Olay, Olay

2008-04-24T11:56:00.000+01:00

Those Penta-bleedin'-peptides lovers strike again, but this time,

along with a new blond expert, we've got;

"...the World Congress of Dermatology..." ????

Pull the other one Luv!

Surely they can't expect us to believe that this really exists?

It sounds like something out of an Austin Powers movie!

I just hope the people who commission these ads wise up one day

and realise that no-one falls for or enjoys these bs ads.

Ad Rant: Lloyd Grossman Sauces

2008-04-24T11:37:00.000+01:00

"Lloyd Grossman. Sauces with a distinctive voice"

I saw it coming, but it's a great line, and I couldn't help but smile.

It's about time someone created an ad that takes the piss out of his strange voice. After all, it's surely the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Lloyd Grossman.

And I especially liked the "whoooooole chillies" line. Great.

TV: The Apprentice - Carol Thatcher

2008-04-24T11:34:00.000+01:00

Is it me or is Carol Thatcher slowly turning into Sir Jimmy Saville?

Ad rant: Cadbury's 'Trucks'

2008-04-02T18:04:00.000+01:00

I've just seen the latest Cadbury 'Trucks' ad back-to-back against the latest mini Babybel ad, and I have to say that the less highly polished Babybel ad came out on top. Ok, so the idea of a small product being made by small people seems vaguely familiar, but at least it made me laugh.

Whereas 'Trucks' left me feeling cold. The only reaction I had was that of disappointment. Never mind the hype, I just couldn't emotionally engage with it. It felt like something was missing.

'Gorilla', however, worked for me because it had that classic 'creative twist' (in this case it's a gorilla playing the drums) that everyone in advertising used to talk about. But it's this sort of twist that 'Trucks' lacks, and as a result we're left with an idea which in comparison actually seems quite normal. Something I'd never thought I'd say about an ad showing baggage handlers having a race on an airport runway!

FOOD: Chicken on a stick

2008-03-31T16:50:00.000+01:00

Oh my god. You really haven't lived until you've tried Chicken on a stick - It's a taste sensation!

I bought one yesterday from a BP petrol station on the way back from London, basically because I was desperate to have something that wasn't crisps (and believe me, when you're wheat intolerant there's not much else). So when I spotted the 'Chicken on a stick' a glimmer of hope flashed across my brain.

Now as with all junk food, I was a bit cautious at first, thinking, "there's no way this is gonna actually gonna be like chicken", but when I saw that it had no wheat in it I thought, fuck it, why not try it? And I was totally suprised that when I took a bite, it actually felt and looked like chicken, AND it tasted bloody lovely!

There are a couple of other flavours, so all those of you who can't eat anything without it being super spicy won't miss out, but I would urge all meat lovers to try this as you don't know what you're missing, seriously, all meat should taste like chicken on a stick...

NEWS: Britain says goodbye to Landrover & Jaguar...

2008-03-26T18:50:00.000Z

...or should that be "tata!" (fnarr, fnarr)

TV: S.O.S (Save Our Suggs)

2008-03-22T23:36:00.000Z

Will somebody please, please, please liberate our beloved Madness frontman SUGGS from appearing in any more ads that use "Our House".

It puzzles me as to what comes first; the idea to use him or the idea to use the song?

Whatever!

Maybe if they used "Embarrassment" it would be more fitting.

Ad rant: Flake advert

2008-03-22T23:17:00.000Z

Now I know I'm a little late commenting on this one, but up until this ad was aired, I actually liked Joss Stone as a singer. Despite what people said about her fake American accent, and the many faux pas she's made on radio and on stage - I actually thought she was pretty talented.

But when I heard her sing acapella on this ad, it suddenly dawned on me how fake her voice sounded. She sounded like the sort of person that X-factor judge Simon Cowell would accuse of doing an impression of singing.

Funny how TV ads can change people's perceptions - sometimes for the worse.

MUSIC: Kylie - WOW

2008-03-22T22:59:00.000Z

The first time I heard Kylie's latest track, WOW, I couldn't help change the lyrics, "every inch of you spells out desire..." to "every inch of you spells out diahorrea."

I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

TV: Newsreader Allison Nice

2008-03-17T18:03:00.000Z

Great surname. Should've been a presenter on The Fastshow's Jazz club.

TV: Gavin & Stacey

2008-03-17T17:41:00.000Z

I keep seeing the trailer for this Sitcom, and despite loads of hype, it just doesn't make me laugh. However, I saw the fat bloke who co-writes it on 'Something for the weekend' and thought he was hilarious! Shame he can't transfer that to the show.

NEWS: Police investigating Basil Brush

2008-03-17T13:40:00.000Z

Basil Brush is being investigated over an alleged racist joke on his show.

At least this now gives us some hint to who the man is with his hand up the puppets arse - It must be Jim Davidson! HA HA HA HA HA Haaaaaaaaaaa Boom Boom! (Said in fake Jamaican accent.)

Campaign: letter to the editor - FLASH

2008-03-13T16:33:00.000Z

Once again, I've had the joy of watching the current 'Flash with added Flash guard' ad.

And I'm not sure what's worse?

Could it be the casting of the most unbelievable father and son partnership that TVs ever seen?

I mean let's face it, does anyone believe that any father and son do the cleaning together, or that any father and son sit down to watch a football match then at half-time say "ooh, let's do the cleaning."

Or could it be the fact that a creative crow bar has been used to include one of the most hackneyed lines in the world, "They think it's all over..." (I wish it was!)

Or could it be Hong Kong Phooey??? (Sorry, you never know.)

In the end I just wish there was a Flash guard against bad ads!

T-Shirt design: JUST SAY YES

2008-03-12T17:15:00.001Z

What d'ya think folks?

TV: Skins

2008-03-11T12:44:00.000Z

God I love Skins, but bloody hell it makes me feel old.

Rip-off Britain: DVDs

2008-03-11T12:08:00.000Z

Here's something I don't understand; Films released on DVD still being priced at £15!

I mean who are these retailers targeting?

Who is it that says to themselves, "ooh, there's a film coming out that's meant to be good, but I won't go to the cinema, I'll buy it as soon as it comes out - never mind if it's shit, I don't mind wasting £15"

Don't most people see a film somewhere first, either at the cinema or by renting, then say "I liked that film. I'd like to own a copy just in case I want to watch it again..." So surely having paid out to watch it the first time, they don't want to pay over twice that initial payment to then own it.

Maybe it's to make up for the money lost from piracy - I don't know, but surely they'll sell more if they just drop the price straight away. I know I'd definitely prefer to have an official copy of a film rather than a pirate copy.

Operation Stack -OPERATION CACK!

2008-03-10T18:31:00.000Z

I'd just like to say a big 'thank you very little' to the French bastards who've created the need for operation CACK and created misery for almost everyone living/driving in Kent.

I mean, if it's not French sailors (or semen as I like to call them), then it's the bloody farmers!

I don't know about anyone else, but surely there must be a way of getting back at them

Hey, isn't it time we had another war with the fuckers anyway!?

Film: Vantage Point

2008-03-10T12:50:00.000Z

A Good film. The only disad-Vantage Point is the 6 plus flashback scenes, which are used as a device to unravel the plot from the point of the main characters. It was this, that by the beginning of the fifth flashback (where the on screen clock resets itself to 12:00pm), had the cinema audience groaning with frustration. I even think I heard someone behind me exclaim, "not again!"

Thinking about it, that might be the first time I've been to see a film that triggered such a response in its audience.

Not something that was planned I'm sure.

However, despite that initial reaction, you watch on intently as all the pieces of the story neatly come together with a few twists and turns thrown in for good measure. And dare I say it, there's a pretty hair-raising car chase at the end.

My verdict; Probably worth the million pounds we paid to see it at the cinema.

TV: Shameless

2008-03-07T23:32:00.000Z

"Make poverty history - cheaper drugs now!"

Frank from shameless. Brilliant. Can't help but think there's a few ads to be made from some of the stuff he spouts.

TV: Ashes to Ashes...

2008-03-07T09:21:00.000Z

...once again topped the profanisaurus charts last night. The beginning of the episode was filled with more euphemisms for anal sex, and being gay than you can shake a shitty stick at. Fantastic!

But it didn't stop there, as the rest of the show turned into a real potty mouthed affair, with all cast members getting involved (even Alex mentioned "sucking cock"). But despite this, top prize must go to Gene Hunt once again for the line "Get a waft of that man stink. See if that doesn't moisten your gusset!"

Geeeeeenius!

Teddy Bear tramps are the worst. Always pissed and abusive.

2008-03-06T19:36:00.000Z

"Hello, customer services..."

2008-03-06T16:47:00.000Z

The deviousness of the old and infirm reached new levels recently, when on a trip to Cornwall, I stopped at Asda to find an old woman at one of the tills trying to return a thick, pink cardigan claiming that "after only one wash" it had got "all bobbly bit's on it." She said she wasn't exactly sure when she bought it, but it was definitely a couple of months before christmas.

The staff typed in the product number but couldn't find any reference to the garment.

The woman persisted with her story and eventually the staff gave in, and let her exchange it for something else!

It turned out that the reason they couldn't find a reference was because the cardigan was from a range of clothing that was OVER 2 YEARS OLD.

Campaign: Previous letters to the editor - ALL-BRAN

2008-03-06T12:21:00.000Z

They're tasty, tasty..." but unfortunately the Ad isn't.

Surely desperation has struck when a brand needs to resurrect an old 80's jingle and apply it to their latest offering.

Now don't get me wrong, I loved 80's advertising and I'm sure most of us, young or old, can remember a jingle or two. However, when you place a jingle that sounds like it's been sung by the employees of your local 'Kwik-fit', on top of an ad that's targeted at your grandma, it stands out like a sore thumb. Which I'm sure is the least of the problems of whoever is responsible for using the giant crowbar which joined ad and jingle together.

All I can say is that someone at All-bran can't be using their own product as this ad is truly the result of constipated thinking.

Campaign: Previous letters to the editor - SPECSAVERS

2008-03-06T11:55:00.000Z

Can this be?

Did I just laugh at a Specsavers ad - because it was actually funny???

Yes, it's true. It was the ad where an old sheep farmer mistakenly shears his sheepdog.

Apologies to any of you animal lovers out there, but when I saw the unnaturally short haired and sheepish (groan) looking sheepdog, and heard the "Should've gone to Specsavers" punchline, I found it hard not to laugh.

A good example of a simple idea well executed - brilliant.

So well done to the team who've finally got through an ad for Specsavers that (a) actually makes sense, (b) sits well with the "Should've gone to Specsavers" line and (c) is actually funny!

And dare I say it, could this Specsavers ad actually be nominated for pick of the week?

Judging what's out there at the moment, I don't see why not.

Campaign: Previous letters to the editor - EGG.COM

2008-03-06T11:40:00.000Z

Congratulations to egg.com

Not only have they cut 161,000 credit card customers, but they've also cut the creativity from their ads! admittedly, the Gerbils/Hamsters concept was looking a little tired, but at least it was better than an Ad that looks like the low-end budget/concept that you'd expect from a credit card company!

Nice work all round (ish) egg!