FOOD: Chicken on a stick

Oh my god. You really haven't lived until you've tried Chicken on a stick - It's a taste sensation!

I bought one yesterday from a BP petrol station on the way back from London, basically because I was desperate to have something that wasn't crisps (and believe me, when you're wheat intolerant there's not much else).  So when I spotted the 'Chicken on a stick' a glimmer of hope flashed across my brain. 

Now as with all junk food, I was a bit cautious at first, thinking, "there's no way this is gonna actually gonna be like chicken", but when I saw that it had no wheat in it I thought, fuck it, why not try it? And I was totally suprised that when I took a bite, it actually felt and looked like chicken, AND it tasted bloody lovely!

There are a couple of other flavours, so all those of you who can't eat anything without it being super spicy won't miss out, but I would urge all meat lovers to try this as you don't know what you're missing, seriously, all meat should taste like chicken on a stick...

NEWS: Britain says goodbye to Landrover & Jaguar...

...or should that be "tata!" (fnarr, fnarr)

TV: S.O.S (Save Our Suggs)

Will somebody please, please, please liberate our beloved Madness frontman SUGGS from appearing in any more ads that use "Our House".

It puzzles me as to what comes first; the idea to use him or the idea to use the song?

Whatever!

Maybe if they used "Embarrassment" it would be more fitting.

Ad rant: Flake advert

Now I know I'm a little late commenting on this one, but up until this ad was aired, I actually liked Joss Stone as a singer. Despite what people said about her fake American accent, and the many faux pas she's made on radio and on stage -  I actually thought she was pretty talented.

But when I heard her sing acapella on this ad, it suddenly dawned on me how fake her voice sounded. She sounded like the sort of person that X-factor judge Simon Cowell would accuse of doing an impression of singing. 

Funny how TV ads can change people's perceptions - sometimes for the worse.

MUSIC: Kylie - WOW

The first time I heard Kylie's latest track, WOW,  I couldn't help change the lyrics, "every inch of you spells out desire..." to "every inch of you spells out diahorrea."

I think my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

TV: Newsreader Allison Nice

Great surname. Should've been a presenter on The Fastshow's Jazz club.

TV: Gavin & Stacey

I keep seeing the trailer for this Sitcom, and despite loads of hype, it just doesn't make me laugh. However, I saw the fat bloke who co-writes it on 'Something for the weekend' and thought he was hilarious! Shame he can't transfer that to the show.

NEWS: Police investigating Basil Brush

Basil Brush is being investigated over an alleged racist joke on his show.

At least this now gives us some hint to who the man is with his hand up the puppets arse - It must be Jim Davidson!  HA HA HA HA HA Haaaaaaaaaaa Boom Boom! (Said in fake Jamaican accent.)

Campaign: letter to the editor - FLASH

Once again, I've had the joy of watching the current 'Flash with added Flash guard' ad.

And I'm not sure what's worse?

Could it be the casting of the most unbelievable father and son partnership that TVs ever seen?

I mean let's face it, does anyone believe that any father and son do the cleaning together, or that any father and son sit down to watch a football match then at half-time say "ooh, let's do the cleaning."

Or could it be the fact that a creative crow bar has been used to include one of the most hackneyed lines in the world, "They think it's all over..."  (I wish it was!)

Or could it be Hong Kong Phooey??? (Sorry, you never know.)

In the end I just wish there was a Flash guard against bad ads!

T-Shirt design: JUST SAY YES

What d'ya think folks?

TV: Skins

God I love Skins, but bloody hell it makes me feel old. 

Rip-off Britain: DVDs

Here's something I don't understand; Films released on DVD still being priced at £15!

I mean who are these retailers targeting?

Who is it that says to themselves, "ooh, there's a film coming out that's meant to be good, but I won't go to the cinema, I'll buy it as soon as it comes out - never mind if it's shit, I don't mind wasting £15"

Don't most people see a film somewhere first, either at the cinema or by renting, then say "I liked that film. I'd like to own a copy just in case I want to watch it again..." So surely having paid out to watch it the first time, they don't want to pay over twice that initial payment to then own it.

Maybe it's to make up for the money lost from piracy - I don't know, but surely they'll sell more if they just drop the price straight away. I know I'd definitely prefer to have an official copy of a film rather than a pirate copy.

Operation Stack -OPERATION CACK!

I'd just like to say a big 'thank you very little' to the French bastards who've created the need for operation CACK and created misery for almost everyone living/driving in Kent.

I mean, if it's not French sailors (or semen as I like to call them), then it's the bloody farmers!

I don't know about anyone else, but surely there must be a way of getting back at them

Hey, isn't it time we had another war with the fuckers anyway!?

Film: Vantage Point

A Good film. The only disad-Vantage Point is the 6 plus flashback scenes, which are used as a device to unravel the plot from the point of the main characters. It was this, that by the beginning of the fifth flashback (where the on screen clock resets itself to 12:00pm), had the cinema audience groaning with frustration. I even think I heard someone behind me exclaim, "not again!" 

Thinking about it, that might be the first time I've been to see a film that triggered such a response in its audience.

Not something that was planned I'm sure.

However, despite that initial reaction, you watch on intently as all the pieces of the story neatly come together with a few twists and turns thrown in for good measure. And dare I say it, there's a pretty hair-raising car chase at the end.

My verdict; Probably worth the million pounds we paid to see it at the cinema. 

TV: Shameless

"Make poverty history - cheaper drugs now!"

Frank from shameless. Brilliant. Can't help but think there's a few ads to be made from some of the stuff he spouts.

TV: Ashes to Ashes...

...once again topped the profanisaurus charts last night. The beginning of the episode was filled with more euphemisms for anal sex, and being gay than you can shake a shitty stick at. Fantastic!

But it didn't stop there, as the rest of the show turned into a real potty mouthed affair, with all cast members getting involved (even Alex mentioned "sucking cock"). But despite this, top prize must go to Gene Hunt once again for the line "Get a waft of that man stink. See if that doesn't moisten your gusset!"

Geeeeeenius!

Teddy Bear tramps are the worst. Always pissed and abusive.

"Hello, customer services..."

The deviousness of the old and infirm reached new levels recently, when on a trip to Cornwall, I stopped at Asda to find an old woman at one of the tills trying to return a thick, pink cardigan claiming that "after only one wash" it had got "all bobbly bit's on it." She said she wasn't exactly sure when she bought it, but it was definitely a couple of months before christmas.

The staff typed in the product number but couldn't find any reference to the garment.

The woman persisted with her story and eventually the staff gave in, and let her exchange it for something else!

It turned out that the reason they couldn't find a reference was because the cardigan was from a range of clothing that was OVER 2 YEARS OLD.

Campaign: Previous letters to the editor - ALL-BRAN

They're tasty, tasty..." but unfortunately the Ad isn't.

Surely desperation has struck when a brand needs to resurrect an old 80's jingle and apply it to their latest offering.

Now don't get me wrong, I loved 80's advertising and I'm sure most of us, young or old, can remember a jingle or two. However, when you place a jingle that sounds like it's been sung by the employees of your local 'Kwik-fit', on top of an ad that's targeted at your grandma, it stands out like a sore thumb. Which I'm sure is the least of the problems of whoever is responsible for using the giant crowbar which joined ad and jingle together.

All I can say is that someone at All-bran can't be using their own product as this ad is truly the result of constipated thinking.

Campaign: Previous letters to the editor - SPECSAVERS

Can this be?

Did I just laugh at a Specsavers ad - because it was actually funny???

Yes, it's true. It was the ad where an old sheep farmer mistakenly shears his sheepdog.

Apologies to any of you animal lovers out there, but when I saw the unnaturally short haired and sheepish (groan) looking sheepdog, and heard the "Should've gone to Specsavers" punchline, I found it hard not to laugh.

A good example of a simple idea well executed - brilliant.

So well done to the team who've finally got through an ad for Specsavers that (a) actually makes sense, (b) sits well with the "Should've gone to Specsavers" line and (c) is actually funny!

And dare I say it, could this Specsavers ad actually be nominated for pick of the week?

Judging what's out there at the moment, I don't see why not.

Campaign: Previous letters to the editor - EGG.COM

Congratulations to egg.com

Not only have they cut 161,000 credit card customers, but they've also cut the creativity from their ads! admittedly, the Gerbils/Hamsters concept was looking a little tired, but at least it was better than an Ad that looks like the low-end budget/concept that you'd expect from a credit card company!

Nice work all round (ish) egg!